How I'm doing

Several of you have written recently to tell me how impressed you are by my strength. I wish I could say that I felt I'd been strong. To be honest, most days I feel anything but strong. Sometimes I'm half-way through my morning routine before I remember that Adam and I aren't together anymore. Then other days it's running through my head before my feet are even out from under the warmth of my comfy bed. I struggle with it every day. I have a hard time understanding the decision he made and the fact that he was on match.com two days later (wearing the boots I gave him for Christmas) and in a relationship with someone else within two weeks. I know that all these things should make me realize that he has issues and it's nothing to do with me, but I keep wondering what I could have done or said differently in order to have a different outcome. Weekends and evenings are the hardest because that's time I usually spent talking to him or with him. I find myself running errands on the weekend and just going through the motions - it's like I'm not even fully aware of where I am or what I'm doing. Sadly there have been several occasions where I've been driving around and I just burst into tears because I saw something that reminded me of him and how happy I was.

Don't get me wrong. I don't regret being out here for one minute. I love my job. And it's been a while since I could really say that. I know that I'm doing something that's making a difference. I work for a great boss who "gets" what we do. I know that I just have to sit back and open my eyes and ears because this job will shape my professional future in ways I can't even imagine. I do regret that I literally have to cross the Rio Grande to get to Chick Fila, but life is never perfect. :-)

Since I'm talking about work, guess this is as good a time as any to tell you guys what I'm actually doing. I was hired to head all the external recruiting efforts for Presbyterian Healthcare. It's the largest health network in the state, and it's completely not-for-profit. So the short version is that I'm out there running campaigns to find better, more-qualified healthcare workers. If I do a good job, it means they are filling positions with people who are dedicated to helping others. Not a bad gig if you ask me.

Hope I haven't blathered on too much. Hugs to you all!