Thursday, March 30, 2006

How I'm doing

Several of you have written recently to tell me how impressed you are by my strength. I wish I could say that I felt I'd been strong. To be honest, most days I feel anything but strong. Sometimes I'm half-way through my morning routine before I remember that Adam and I aren't together anymore. Then other days it's running through my head before my feet are even out from under the warmth of my comfy bed. I struggle with it every day. I have a hard time understanding the decision he made and the fact that he was on two days later (wearing the boots I gave him for Christmas) and in a relationship with someone else within two weeks. I know that all these things should make me realize that he has issues and it's nothing to do with me, but I keep wondering what I could have done or said differently in order to have a different outcome. Weekends and evenings are the hardest because that's time I usually spent talking to him or with him. I find myself running errands on the weekend and just going through the motions - it's like I'm not even fully aware of where I am or what I'm doing. Sadly there have been several occasions where I've been driving around and I just burst into tears because I saw something that reminded me of him and how happy I was.

Don't get me wrong. I don't regret being out here for one minute. I love my job. And it's been a while since I could really say that. I know that I'm doing something that's making a difference. I work for a great boss who "gets" what we do. I know that I just have to sit back and open my eyes and ears because this job will shape my professional future in ways I can't even imagine. I do regret that I literally have to cross the Rio Grande to get to Chick Fila, but life is never perfect. :-)

Since I'm talking about work, guess this is as good a time as any to tell you guys what I'm actually doing. I was hired to head all the external recruiting efforts for Presbyterian Healthcare. It's the largest health network in the state, and it's completely not-for-profit. So the short version is that I'm out there running campaigns to find better, more-qualified healthcare workers. If I do a good job, it means they are filling positions with people who are dedicated to helping others. Not a bad gig if you ask me.

Hope I haven't blathered on too much. Hugs to you all!


laura newmark said...

Paragraphs like this one just support the previous comments that you are brave! While you are having a rough patches, you so eloquently put your heart and soul out there for the world to feel/see. I am glad you love your job. So much of ourselves is defined by our occupation (both in time and in our soul)that it is very important to love what you do.

As for the Chickie Fickie thing, I feel your pain. When ours opened here I was there within the first hour of being open. Of course you probably don't have to drive over an hour to get to Target or a decent mall.

Anyway I love you. -Laura